There’s an endless list of transitions and milestones we support families through, but one that consistently requires extra care is navigating divorce and coparenting. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, almost 40% of autistic children will experience their parents’ divorce.
While divorce is never easy for a child—especially a neurodivergent child—there are many ways to support them and mitigate additional trauma. At Trailogy, we work closely with families to ensure everyone feels heard, seen, and empowered.
Whether you’re exploring separation or have been divorced for years, your child remains the priority. Here are our top strategies to support them. Fortunately, these beneficial for all children, including neurotypical ones. By tending to our neurodivergent children’s needs, everyone benefits—including their siblings.
1. Keep Consistent and Predictable Routines
While each parent’s home operates differently, maintaining similar routines reduces your child’s energy spent guessing “what happens next.”
Example: A predictable bedtime routine (e.g., pajamas → teeth brushing → story) lets autistic children stay regulated and manage bigger challenges like having two homes. Matching the “order” of activities costs little but offers huge benefits.
2. Use a Picture Calendar
All children wonder, “What am I doing today?” and “Where am I sleeping tonight?”—questions especially taxing for autistic kids. A simple picture calendar clarifies when they’ll see each parent:
- Option A: Print a monthly calendar with parents’ photos (add therapists, coaches, etc.).
- Option B: Use a color-coded calendar. Let your child choose colors for each parent (not defaulting to pink/blue).
3. Allow Regulating Items to Travel Between Homes
We know it’s tempting to feel possessive about items you purchase, and many parents express frustration when a co-parent loses or damages them. But prioritizing your child’s need for consistent comfort items during transitions is crucial.
To minimize conflict, we encourage:
- Splitting costs for key sensory/regulating items (e.g., weighted stuffed animals, chewy necklaces, music players).
- Using shared tools like a TonieBox—record messages from both parents so your child hears your voices anytime.
✨ Always let your child choose which items travel with them. Autonomy here reduces transition stress and empowers them.
4. Keep Therapists in the Loop
Inform your child’s care team early about major changes (divorce, remarriage, new siblings). Most therapists support coparenting through shared emails or conferences.
5. Consider Play Therapy
Play therapy can be so beneficial for a variety of reasons.
- Your child has a neutral grown up to help them process
- Your child has a “safe space” away from the changes
- Therapists can offer guidance and suggestions abut arrangements
6. Don’t Assume Your Child Doesn’t Understand
Avoid speaking negatively about a coparent near your child—especially if they’re neurodivergent. Delayed speech or cognition doesn’t mean they’re unaware. We often underestimate what children grasp, making mindful discussions about divorce/coparents critical.
7. Lean on Experts
Play therapists give children a safe space to process divorce while helping parents better understand their needs. We often recommend this therapy for children impacted by divorce. But support shouldn’t stop there.
Trailogy connects you with:
- Vetted play therapists (from our specialized network)
- Concierge Coparenting Coaches who proactively guide families through:
- Dual-home safety planning
- Coparenting therapy & high-conflict resolution
- Therapist/school collaboration
- Transition coordination
- Stepfamily integration
- Legal/crisis navigation
Divorce can feel isolating, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Reach out to a Trail Guide today for a free consultation and build a brighter future for your child—in both homes.